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SITEMAP | LIBRARY | PHOBIAS | SELF CARE
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PHOBIA LIBRARY

Read up on fear, panic and phobia to get a general overview of phobias and trauma and fear management. Learn mindfulness based self care principles and exercises for managing phobias from my books on trauma and self care.
JUMP TO A CHAPTER
​Fear | Function | Thought | Treatment | Coping
For Help See: Fear in the Brain | Fear Dictionary

THE LIBRARY TOPIC HOME PAGES
​
​Introduction to Trauma, Fear and Phobia
Part 1: ​Defining Fear and the Fear Response
Part 2: Emotional & Cognitive Functions of Fear
Part 3: Maladaptive Thought Processing
​Part 4: Professional Therapy & Mindful Self Care
​THE PHOBIA COLLECTION DOWNLOADS
​
Browse Collection of Phobias by Topic
Download Collection of Phobias
Download Dictionary of Fear and Phobia
Download Self Care Guides for Coping

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PART FOUR - TREATMENT​
​
​TREATMENT OPTIONS
MINDFUL SELF CARE
​
Learn the cognitive treatment options for self care centered in mindfulness, common defense mechanisms, boundaries, stressors, and strategies for coping with anxiety and panic for fear
TREATMENT | THERAPY | SELF CARE

START SELF CARE

TREATMENT DIRECTORY

>> Treatment Home Page - Disclaimer
​

​PROFESSIONAL THERAPY OPTIONS
Make the Best of Professional Therapy
Search for Medical Professionals (external)
Therapy Options
  • Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy (CBT)
  • Exposure Therapy
  • ​Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
  • Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR)
  • Online Therapy Fact Sheet
​INCORPORATING SELF CARE OPTIONS
​
SELF CARE: Defining What It Really Means
Core Elements of Mindfulness
  • ​Meditative Mastery of Breath Control
  • ​Repetition Fuels the Power of a Mantra
  • Principles of Mindfulness Meditation ​​
  • How Mindfulness Rewires Your Brain
  • Cognitive Benefits of Mindfulness
  • Mindful Self Care is Self Compassion
  • Strategies to Practice Mindfulness
  • Tips to Master Mindful Living
​Mindful Coping Strategies
  • ​​How We Cope With Stress
  • Armed With Self Defense Mechanisms ​
  • Defining and Enforcing Your Boundaries
  • ​Dealing With Stressors and Triggers​
  • Combat Strategies for Anxiety and Panic​ ​​​
​Self Care is not a substitute for professional therapy and treatment. Author is not a medical professional.

​RELATED SELF CARE GUIDES BY KAIROS
​View All Downloads
  • Promoting Mindful Self Care
  • ​Embracing Self Care Glossary
  • Principles of Mindfulness for the Soul
  • Mind Your Mindfulness Glossary
​ALL CONTENT PROVIDED BY MY BOOKS ON MINDFUL SELF CARE FOR TRAUMA AND FEAR
Download for Free Here

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BE MINDFUL - BE WELL

​PART FOUR - TREATMENT​
​
​​SELF CARE
What is it?
​What Does It Really Mean?

START SERIES WITH MEDITATION
​WEBSITE DISCLAIMER
Author is not a Medical Professional.
​Find a Medical Professional
​

Self Care is not a Substitute for Therapy
it works in collaboration with professional treatment
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DOWNLOAD THE SELF CARE GLOSSARY

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GENERAL OVERVIEW OF THE CONCEPT

ABOUT SELF CARE

It is a buzzword I know. Everyone talks about it, magazine headlines scream it at you and it sounds great but it sounds selfish too right? What does it even mean? It’s actually simple. Self-care is a broad term that encompasses just about anything you do to be good to yourself that helps you to live a quality life, a healthy life and a life you want and need.

Self care is formed of actions that promote your health and wellbeing. These actions are meant to improve your body, heart, mind and soul.


Self-care is about being as kind to yourself as you would be to others. It’s about knowing that when your resources are running low you can step back to replenish rather than letting them all drain away.

Self-care is about integrating self-compassion into your life and coming to love yourself. Self-compassion is not a valuation of self-worth. It’s just a way of treating yourself kindly whether things are good, or things are bad. You can motivate yourself not out of fear of being inadequate, but because you care about yourself.

Self-care is a very active and powerful choice to engage in the activities that are required to gain or maintain an optimal level of overall health. Overall health includes not just the physical, but the psychological, emotional, social, and spiritual components of an individual’s well-being. By taking care of yourself, you are encouraging a more empowered narrative, creating a life from a position of good energy and creativity. The ripple effect of this type of action, no matter how small or large, positively impacts those closest to you on many levels.

Self-care is an activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Good self-care is key to helping you heal from trauma, improve your mood, reduce anxiety, and to diminish the intensity of intrusive thoughts, flashbacks and nightmares.

Self-care is engaging in activities that lower the physiological adrenal surge from trauma and fear. It can literally be lifesaving. Recovery and healing become possible when people can reprocess and release the trauma(s) or anxieties. In addition to helping with physical recovery from trauma, self-care also helps people integrate the spiritual, physical, social, and emotional pieces of healing.

Self-care isn’t a selfish act. It is not only about considering our needs; it is about knowing what we need to do in order to take care of ourselves. We need to care for ourselves by actively participating in positive healing methods like self-care, professional therapy, medication management, overall healthcare, exercise, sleep habits, addiction treatment and meditative and relaxation processes.

  • Self-care needs to be something you actively plan instead of something that just happens. It is an active choice and you must treat it as such.  

  • Make yourself a priority. Self-care is putting a priority on taking care of your mind, body and spirit. It is also giving yourself permission to just pause and enjoy the present moment. You will read more later about mindfulness.

  • Caring for yourself is not indulgent; it is an act of survival. It is not a luxury, it is a priority. It doesn’t mean “me first” it means “me too.”

Take time for yourself and your spirit. Do not feel guilty or think you are being selfish. The world will see you the way it sees you and treat you the way you treat yourself. Make a promise to hold your own well-being sacred. Promise to love, honor and cherish yourself. Promise to care for yourself like you care for others.

Speaking kindly to yourself. You will never speak to others as much as you speak to yourself. Choose your words wisely. Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love deeply. The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have. Be compassionate to yourself.

Self-care is caring for your mind and thoughts, physical health and body, your spiritual health, and your feelings and emotions. Be good to all these things so that you can be good to others.
  • If not you then who?
  • If not now, then when?
Without self-care and support from others your relationships can suffer and become the target of your unhappiness. Don’t give up what makes your life work for anyone. Maintaining balance is better than starting over.

A deep sense of love and belonging is a need of all people. Start with yourself. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, be loved and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function. We break, fall apart, numb, ache, hurt ourselves, hurt others, and get sick. Self-care is like the oxygen masks on airplanes. If you don’t put your mask on before you help others, then you are no help. You can’t help others if you are unconscious.

Be kind to yourself. Be generous, be accepting, be gentle. Be all these things.
This is where it begins. The true goal of self-improvement is not perfection but to be better than you were before. It is ok to make mistakes, to have bad days, to be less than perfect, to do what is best for you, and to be yourself. Nourishing yourself in a way that helps you blossom in a direction you want to go is attainable and worth the effort. Give yourself a break. Give yourself credit. Give yourself time, attention, love, and power. Give yourself - you. You may feel disconnected to yourself after trauma. Rediscover who you used to be.

Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable and remove yourself from the unacceptable.


JUST SAY NO
If it feels wrong, don’t do it. Say exactly what you mean. Don’t be a people pleaser. Never speak badly of yourself. Never give up on yourself or your dreams. Don’t be afraid to say no. Don’t be afraid to say yes. Let go of what you can’t control. And stay away from negativity.

LISTEN TO YOURSELF
Listen to your instincts and your intuition. The wisdom in your gut is where your answers reside. Take care of your thoughts when you are alone and take care of your words when you are with others. Nurture your spark, find your uniqueness and know and believe how much you matter.

YOU DO YOU
A strong positive self-image is the best preparation for success in life. Don’t choose the convenient, the comfortable, the respectable, or the socially acceptable at the expense Choose what matters the most to you.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
​SO YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF OTHERS
It is giving the world the best of you and not what is left of you.


BENEFITS OF SELF CARE

All the good stuff. Like:
  • Increased self-awareness
  • Ability to give more
  • Higher self-esteem
  • Feeling of empowerment
  • Increased productivity
  • Improved health and wellbeing

SELF CARE BILL OF RIGHTS
  1. I have the right to take care of myself
  2. I have the right to seek professional help
  3. I have the right to rest and take a mental health break
  4. I have the right to say no and stand up for myself
  5. I have the right to be healthy (mind/body/spirit)
  6. I have the right to set clear boundaries
  7. I have the right to enjoy life to the fullest
  8. I have the right to acknowledge my emotions
  9. I have the right to accept life as it comes
  10. I have the right to not have it all figured out
  11. I have the right to start over
  12. I have the right to feel safe

TYPES OF SELF CARE

SENSORY SELF CARE
Sensory self-care is about helping to calm your mind. When you can tune into the sensations all around you, you can live in the present moment. And when you’re in the present, you can more effectively let go of resentments related to the past or anxieties about the future. When you think about practicing sensory self-care, consider all your senses: touch, smell, sound, and sight. Most people are more responsive to one sense than the others, so ask yourself what that sense might be for you.

​SENSORY SELF-CARE IDEAS
  • Going to the countryside or the beach and focusing on the smell of the air.
  • Watching the flames of a candle or a fire.
  • Focusing on the movements of your own breathing.
  • Sitting in the heat of the afternoon sun.

EMOTIONAL SELF CARE
When it comes to your emotional health, it is important to make sure you fully engage with your emotions. When you face them head-on, you can handle them much better and reduce your stress. Don’t push down feelings like sadness or anger. It’s healthier to feel them, accept them, and move on. Emotions are not “good” or “bad” in themselves. You are not to blame for the emotions you feel; only in how you behave in response to them. Fear is a primal emotion. We are born with it. It’s part of the evolutionary cycle embedded in our DNA. Facing fear and overcoming it or coming to terms with the objects we fear is something to explore in therapy. Try it.

EMOTIONAL SELF CARE IDEAS
  • Keep a daily journal and be honest about your feelings.
  • See a therapist and be honest with them
  • Write a list of “feeling words” to expand your emotional vocabulary.
  • Make time to be with a friend or family member who truly understands you.
  • Let yourself cry when you need to.

SPIRITUAL SELF CARE
If you’re not religious, you might be tempted to skim-read this section or skip it altogether. However, spiritual self-care isn’t just about believing in God. It’s just as applicable to atheists and agnostics as it is religious people. Spiritual self-care is about getting in touch with your values and beliefs and understanding what really matters to you. Self-care stresses knowing your sense of purpose is vital. Below are some versatile examples that can help you with this.

SPIRITUAL SELF CARE IDEAS
  • Keep up a daily meditation or Mindfulness practice.
  • Attend a service, whether it is religious or humanistic.
  • Read or write poetry.
  • Walk in nature and reflect on the beauty around you.
  • Make a daily list of 5-10 things that make you feel grateful.
  • Be creative, whether through art, music, writing or something else entirely.
  • Make a list of 5-10 things that make you feel alive, then ask yourself how you can better incorporate these things into your life.
  • Say affirmations that ground your sense of self and purpose.
  • Surround yourself with inspiration.

PHYSICAL SELF CARE
The importance of self-care extends to the physical aspects of your health. Physical activity is vital not only for your bodily well-being but also for helping with stress. Exercise doesn’t have to be grueling sessions at the gym. Instead try some of these ideas.

PHYSICAL SELF-CARE IDEAS
  • Dance to your favorite songs
  • Do yoga. Even if you’ve never tried it, there are poses that are perfect for beginners.
  • Join a class and learn a new sport.
  • Go running with your dog (or a friend’s)
  • Cycle through the countryside.
  • Simply go for a walk.
In addition, physical self-care is as much about the things you don’t do as the things you do! So:
  • Nap when you need to. Just 20 minutes can make you feel mentally and physically refreshed.
  • Say “no” to invitations when you’re simply too tired to enjoy them.
  • Don’t push yourself to do your exercise routine when you’re run down or unwell.
  • Commit to 7-9 hours of sleep per night, barring exceptional circumstances.

SOCIAL SELF CARE
Connecting with other people is necessary for happiness for a large diversity of people. It helps you to understand that you’re not alone. Plus, it can also give us a sense of being accepted by others. This can help us combat loneliness and isolation. Social self-care isn’t about just doing things with others for the sake of it, but about choosing to do things with people who really make you feel good.

SOCIAL SELF-CARE IDEAS
  • Make a date to have lunch or dinner with a great friend.
  • Write an email to someone who lives far away, but who you miss.
  • Reach out to someone you like but haven’t seen in a while.
  • Consider joining a group of people who share your interests.
  • Stop socializing with those who undermine or disempower you.
  • Strike up a conversation with someone new.
  • Join a support group for people who struggle with the same things you do.
  • Sign up for a class to learn something and meet new people at the same time.
  • Building a network of friends helps you take care of yourself very well.

​PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT
Caring for yourself extends to your personal development, sense of personal space and what you permit in your life. This means:
  • Saying “no” to extra obligations without guilt
  • Liking yourself and not feeling ashamed or embarrassed about who you are
  • Setting boundaries with family or friends who demand too much energy
  • Standing up for yourself at work or in relationships
  • Asking for help without hesitation or shame
  • Treating yourself with kindness and compassion as you work toward your goals
  • Know you are enough

WHAT IS NOT SELF CARE

There are tons of examples that can be listed as unhealthy illusions of self care but all you need are a couple to ponder. Save time - See #1.

1. Avoidance. Avoidance is exactly what you think it means. You can avoid doing healthy and safe things by drinking, drugs, eating, gambling, shopping, television, Internet, social media etc. Basically all the things our brains can get addicted to. Remember, the brain creates the same addictive neural networks straight to your reward center no matter what the addiction is. Cocaine is no different than an addiction to porn, gambling or the Internet. If you have a problem there is NO SHAME in seeking help. If you don’t know, therapy can help you determine if it is an addiction. If you are sure it’s not addiction, ask yourself if it is a healthy coping mechanism and if it is helping you or hindering you from life.
  • ​Avoiding exposure to fears exasperates the effects. If you suffer from social anxiety - fear of the world - avoidance seems like it would be a protective thing to do. This may seem like self care. It’s not. Let a therapist into your world so they can help you face the world.
  • ​Making time for friends and fun is definitely crucial, but if you find yourself going out constantly at the expense of any of your other self-care routines, responsibilities, or budget, then maybe you should ask yourself if there's something you're avoiding (unintentionally or not). Evaluate the benefits from going out against the risks (to your waistline, pocket book or at the expense of your responsibilities.

2. Rewarding yourself. This is a black and white issue. Healthy rewards for facing fears, doing what you need to do, or for increasing the quality of life can be instrumental in the brain ‘s motivational center. It’s a positive and healthy to celebrate a win like completing a difficult task, overcoming an obstacle with your phobia or for achieving something you worked hard for. Maybe you reward yourself with your favorite meal at the pricey restaurant that you could never bring yourself to spend the money on. You are worth the money. But rewarding yourself too much means there is nothing worth working for. Why work hard? Make progress? Move forward? Read on for the simplest reward that can stop progress.
  • ​To gorge yourself on sugar and fat or alcohol every time you do something right. You risk your health with this practice. Weight gain (resulting in self loathing), can cause mental distress . This affects your happiness, causes avoidance, and leads to complacency. Complacency leads to mental health disorders, addiction and exasperation of fears. Not to mention, health issues, diabetes, etc. You know this. Save the “all you can eat” buffet for a special night. That’s just one example.
  • Adverse rewards can lead to going broke, getting arrested, or any other negative result if it compromises your freedom, health, future or your life. Is it worth it?

3. Punishments. When was the last time you felt like it was the right move to punish or condemn yourself for a mistake? Did it work? Punishments drive fear - they do not help you overcome them. Take a look at the social phobias - fear of failure, fear of imperfection, fear of being wrong, fear of others finding out you’ve failed.
  • ​These fears are fueled by self condemnation, self ridicule, self hate and it can happen with self punishments. The power comes from enforcing compliance with fear from what you define. Failure and imperfection are both subjective concepts. You define what failure is.
  • If you believe every mistake is failure then you reinforce it’s power and this causes conditioning in the brain. Conditioning can be good or bad. If you condition your brain with positivity then your motivation will increase and the risks of failure start to diminish. Positivity means accepting mistakes and learning from them. Not blaming or shaming yourself. Negativity diminishes your self concept and conditions you to expect failure. Punishments don’t create learned behaviors as much as they create “worst case scenarios” that lead to being afraid to even try. Expecting failure increases fear, reduces your capabilities and it crushes your motivation, self esteem and your hopes. Think about it. Did you learn much from detention? Or did it create fear of failing your parents?
  • Worst of all? See #1,

4. Boundaries. While setting healthy boundaries is pivotal to maintaining your health and sanity, there is the potential to go too far, and start to isolate yourself from meaningful relationships, life experiences, and fun. See #1. Always go back to that one.

Do what’s a simple fix? Something that can change your brain? Heal traumas, help you cope and alleviate stress and anxiety? Easy, free and fast?

Jump Ahead to Mindfulness
or learn the basics of meditation

NEXT >> MEDITATION OVERVIEW

This content is provided for informational purposes only. Author is not a medical professional. Talk to your doctor to determine what therapy is right for you.
Self care techniques are provided to supplement professional treatment not replace it.

PRIME DIRECTIVE OF THE LEARNING LIBRARY
​
ALL CONTENT PROVIDED BY MY BOOKS ON MINDFUL SELF CARE FOR TRAUMA AND FEAR. Download for Free Here

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BROWSE PHOBIA COLLECTION​
​Phobia collection is presented in eight themed parts

​VIEW LIST INDEX or ​JUMP TO A PART
PART [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ]

START PHOBIA COLLECTION

PHOBIA COLLECTION BY TOPIC

common ~ abstract ~ ordinary ~ bizarre ~ catastrophic ~ psyche ~ icky - academic ~ knowledge ~ education ~ literary ~ art ~ music ~ religion ~ political ~ law ~ order military ~ war ~ discrimination ~ science ~ chemical ~ energy ~ time ~ numbers ~ technology ~ nature ~ environment ~ astronomy ~ weather ~ geography ~ people ~ family ~ community ~ anatomy ~ medical ~ disease ~ emotions ~ senses ~ sensations ~ movement ~ conditions~ love ~ relationships ~ sexuality ~ lifestyle ~ places ~ events ~ objects ~ clothing ~ tools ~ vehicles ~ home ~ cooking ~ food ~ entertainment ~ sports ~ recreation ~ toys ~ games ~ monsters ~ characters ~ spooky ~ nightmares ~ delusional ~ joke ~ fiction
​​DOWNLOAD PONDERING THE PHOBIA
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Now Available for​ Download for Offline Reading
All the phobias in one download. Browse by both topic/subject and by alphabetized list
Download/Share: http://bit.ly/ponderingphobia

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OTHER PHOBIA AND FEAR DOWNLOADS:
​Dictionary of Trauma, Phobia and Fear
Self Care Guides for Fear & Phobias
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DOWNLOAD PHOBIA COLLECTION

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Library articles provided by my series Healing the PTSD Mind ​ and my series on mindfulness based self care Be Mindful Be Well​. The books are written from a trauma perspective. Content applies to fear, phobias and panic. Learn self care treatments with mindfulness techniques.
BE MINDFUL. BE WELL.
​Books copyright 2021 by By Kairos
DOWNLOAD SELF CARE GUIDES

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  • Beautifully Obscure Words
    • Tracing the Etymology of a Word
    • Typing the Typeface of Writing Types
    • WORD LIST: Feelings and Emotions >
      • FEATURE: Our Capacity for Love
    • FEATURED WORD LIST COLLECTIONS
    • BEAUTIFUL WORD LISTS
    • WORD LIST: Translating Your World >
      • Index of Untranslatable Words (Alphabetical)
  • WORD LIST: Rolling Log of Beautiful Words
  • WORD LIST: The Languages From Around the World
    • FEATURE: Words of the World >
      • DEFINING LOVE with a French Romance >
        • Fantastic Flair of Everyday French - Nature
  • IT’S ABOUT TIME! Website Housekeeping
    • FULL SITE INDEX - SITEMAP - All the Beautiful Words
    • A SERIES OF BEAUTIFUL WORDS - My Vocabulary Books and Blogs >
      • Download - The Logophile Lexicon - Words About Words
  • WORD LIST: People, Places and Things
    • To Sleep Perchance to Dream
  • WRITING SYSTEMS